LEAVING HOME TO BUILD HOME?

This is to us who preach: leave home to change home.

For a while, that phrase has failed me. Or at least that’s what it has felt like.

After campus, I had this big dream of moving cities. Switching towns. Leaving a troubled youth behind and finally settling somewhere new. Leaving the country on a scholarship or for a conference. Getting a good job in a big, well-known company, the kind that partnered with you in school when organising school events. The kind you proudly mention when talking to your friends.

Fortune favours the bold, someone once told me.

So after graduation, I worked myself up. I applied strategically to everything that was there to be applied to. LinkedIn was my favourite app… until it wasn’t. I sharpened my skills to stay relevant in the geospatial space. I read job descriptions carefully to see what employers were looking for and set out to learn those things.

Then the emails started streaming in.

Dear Caroline,

“Unfortunately…”

“We regret to inform you…”

“After long consideration…”

“Given the large number of applications we received…”

“Please follow our page for more updates.”

“We wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

My heart sunk every time.

Whenever a rejection email came in, I would confide in my mentor. He always reminded me that this was normal. He said rejection doesn’t mean you are not qualified, sometimes it is simply redirection. A refocus. A reason to keep applying. What is meant for you will eventually find you.

Every rejection became a reminder that at least I had tried applying.

There was this international conference I had been accepted to as a presenter. I had imagined that moment so vividly in my mind , standing in a room filled with people from across the world, presenting my work, representing my country, representing the girl who once dared to believe that her ideas mattered. I imagined the photos, the stories I would bring back, the doors it might open.

But funding happened.

Or rather… funding did not happen.

Every sponsorship request came back the same way: they were unable to fund participation at the moment. Slowly, the dream I had constructed so carefully began to crumble. I had to dismantle the castle I had built brick by brick.

And just when I thought I had gathered enough courage to keep trying, another email came in.

“We regret to inform you that your country did not nominate you…”

The message was brief and almost apologetic. I knew where I had gone wrong in that application, but I still stared at the email longer than necessary, as if the message might somehow change.

There is something very humbling about watching your dreams float mid-air. About pausing long enough to question the very direction of your life and the bane of your existence. About comparing the life you imagined would unfold and the reality you are now living.

For someone who had always believed that effort eventually leads to a breakthrough, this season felt unfamiliar. My plans were not unfolding the way I had carefully mapped them.

I am in Baringo. And in Baringo they know not about a first class degree holder or an engineer.

I haven’t left my hometown and I haven’t really left home.

Change is happening but not in the way I imagined.

Yes, I am working. But my daily vocabulary now includes things like “surveyor shika maji,” “uko maji kweli?” “centre the bubble,” and “levels iko sawa?”

I always imagined I would be in an office somewhere, restructuring ideas and contributing to society in ways that felt powerful. Instead… nashika maji. I am learning to hold my breath as I centre that bubble and releasing the breaths strategically.

I am learning to hold myself so that I don't crumble.

But something else is happening too.

I am slowly changing.

I am adapting to the language of the locals.

I am involved in their politics. I now know that many people want Tobole as senator or governor in 2027.

I worry that I might forget how to speak polished English in boardrooms.

I am becoming more physically fit from traversing hills to get to work, because the terrain in Baringo is extremly rugged.

I am believing in many things now. I believe in God.I have always believed in Him its just that i believe more now.

I have also started believing in mirror numbers and angel numbers because I feel like something good is on its way.

I am making cool friends.

And… I even like a guy from Baringo.

Change is happening fast and subtle at the same time.

I haven’t left home.

And I’m not changing home.

Home is changing me.

And maybe that was always part of the journey.

Also ,small announcement to big companies out there: if you are reading this, si mnipee platform nijiprove😂😭. I know I haven’t been in many interview rooms yet, but I’m confident I wouldn’t fail one. I haven't failed any yet, its the chance that always elopes me.

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hey hey lovely readers!

My first entry of the year.

I hope you are well and sending love and light if you aren't.

This blog is short but if in any way you liked it; don't forget to like, comment,share and as always your feedback is valuable. Lets engage.

Here's my email address: bettcaro92@gmail.com

Till next time enjoyyyy