UNEARTHING BROKEN PARTS

When dad sent me out here, he didn’t know what the world did to daughters. He is a man who always ensured his daughter was okay. He didn’t know that some years later his daughter would call him crying because of some boy issues!! WAHALA! What would he do? Show up to campus grounds and cause drama?

My relationship with my dad has not always been as close as it is now. I told him about this boy I liked so much. He listened to every detail and found words to comfort me and told me to cry it all out. Thirty minutes into the call I was pretty stoic and I would laugh at his jokes. This one time he asked “kwani umeingiana na yeye?” this was him trying to ask whether we had had sex weeuh!

This is not some sort of a heartbreak story. It was more of a story of how I was home when disappointment knocked at my door.

The above scenario was something I couldn’t share with my friends. My emotions were bottling up and I just had to let them out. I had to look for a source to channel everything because keeping a secret that eats me up is not what I excel at. I had to relinquish my heart. It’s hard to be vulnerable. Hide the tears that do not show. Every time you need to cry go hide somewhere and cry. Don’t let people see your tears. It is a sign of weakness. Okay, that’s me and all that is perhaps bad advice.

So yes. Am a little broken. Just a tiny bit. I don’t like writing about such things because I feel too honest. When you lose people, you lose a little piece of yourself in them. You forget how you were before you met them. you go through the pain and that pain humbles you, it teaches you how to be stronger. Pain makes you grow emotionally. With time you learn to discourage lingering emotions from the past. In a world that you thought you couldn’t survive without them, you find yourself happy again.

So what is love? Is it some con to reality? If you has asked me this some time back I would tell you love is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. It exists only in soap operas.

At 5 love feels coming home and hugging your mum’s feet

At 7 love feels like going to your friends house to play

At 10 love feels given permission to own a cat

At 12 love is having a crush in church that you’ll never talk to but get jealous when they talk to other girls

At 15 love is not around. You embrace growing up. Teenage years aren’t easy

At 18 you think you will finally be happy because you find love.

At 19 love is an illusion because you lost yourself looking for love. Love is insanity.

Heading to 20 you look back and laugh because you realize most of what you thought love was actually wasn’t love. You found love in the wrong places and it broke you.

Now I know better and I don’t really want to dwell in the topic because everyone has their own view of loving people. What everyone must know is that love is patient, kind and unending.

Take a needle and a thread and sew your broken pieces together. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in the land of selfpity and remourse. That will be the death of you. Am really struggling to write this piece because I go back to the drawing board too many times to ascertain whether am really growing. Am scared of the unknown am scared to begin again when I don’t know where it will end. Am scared how people will view this but ayeeee!! Writers aren’t ashamed to walk across the world with guilt from their pasts. Poets aren’t afraid to write of passion, romance and everything the society deems as ugly or not worth being spoken of. DojaCat isn’t afraid of the comments when people say she’s too talented to do shit like that on twitter when she posts her perfect body. It all takes brevity to live in a world where everyone pretends to be perfect.

For a while I tried to understand what poet Mumbi Macharia meant when she said “how is life short when it’s the longest thing you do.” I’ll ask her the next time I get to meet her again. My interpretation is that there is a long journey before us especially when you are broken. The excerpt is from a recent poem, kilifi, a journey of love where you love someone that you never want to see them again. Life is short but we will be having different phases, a phase where darkness will overwhelm you, a phase where you don’t want to do anything because you think it’s the end of the road and all. Be happy when you can. Utilize the time you have.

When broken, find things to resonate your heart. If its waking up in the morning to the view of a perfect sunrise then wake up! Watch your thoughts and decisions and it shall be well with you.

Everyone has been broken but not everyone is ready to acknowledge that. Brokenness is not from a love drama only. It can be from family issues, trauma, accidents and so much more.

May people heal from their brokenness. May they find pieces they lost. May they gain back their lost years. If you can do meditation I highly recommend.

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hey loves!! here is another something hope you get to enjoy.

I have had a week full of tantrums and I wasn't feeling okay to say the least.

Yesterday I woke up to some good news and it pushed me to write again. I took part in an easter challenge and my piece was ranked first in the article category.

I ALSO FINALLY GOT TO MEET KINOTI AND I WAS OVERWHELMED. TO THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW HIM HE IS AN UPCOMING KENYAN ARTIST WITH A BEAUTIFUL VOICE. LISTEN TO SAFE SPACES FOLKS ITS MY FAVOURITE. his music is on spotify, apple music and youtube.

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