"to carry a generational dream means to be ready to have your back arch and your shoulders to be constantly heavy"~Bett.
Again I went to town. This time with very few cents in my hands to spare. I needed to get to my destination but the only way was to use an Uber ride since I didn't know the place so well.
I checked the prices and the economy ride was far way higher than the few coins I had to spare and the only option left was to use a bodaboda bolt.
I am afraid of roads but way above that fear, is the flinging risk of boarding a Boda around CBD. I closed my eyes navigating the roundabouts as I imagined getting hit. So many times I thought a car would hit us from behind and my knuckles won't survive. I wouldn't have survived.
Some may think I'm overreacting but weeuh.
If I ever died that day then the dream in me would be crushed.
My dad's dream would definitely come to an end.
See, my dad would often call and tell me "You are such a blessed daughter. You will travel the world and carry our name high. You will become a nation leader. Utakua sijui nini izo mambo yako ya poetry because you are highly favoured."
"Mheshimiwa kwani bado umelala." He will often say when he calls and i sound sleepy.
My dad speaks of me, highly and I him. The way y'all speak of my man my man my man.
To be his daughter means to carry his dream too. To have space for not just the things you want but also what he does. To incorporate the things you can. To carry also his grandfather's dream alongside. The one who long said, mtoto wako atafika university>>>! To carry such a blessing!
The other day my brother called. I could hear his bass breaking no matter how much he tried to hide it. I laughed at him asking since when did a man cry.
His voice shook. I laughed some more and realized he wasn't really speaking. I went silent. Then he started talking.
He complained of his grade. He was so disappointed yet to him he didn't know of a way to ever bring his physics grade up. He mentioned what he got and I scolded him.
Far more than how my dad had and ever did.
Then he hang up.
In that moment I realized what I had just done. In a bid to seek closure I had probably hurt him more.
I had projected what was constantly projected on me.
It pained me to imagine he was feeling what I once felt.
To feel so weary then to be burdened with more work as a way to rest doesn't make sense.
I called back.
This time I had the perfect words to feed him. A perfect strategy to score an A in physics. A seemingly impossible mission at the time but it worked for me in the past.
I said I was sorry.
I told him that to be a 2007 kid and being born almost right in the middle of a war zone means to be a fighter. A survivor. A conqueror.
I told him of how he was a hope to us.
That bad grades wasn't the end of life and that it should never define him.
I reminded him how he is even better than me in poetry.
How his chess game has got him places and this week he'll be in the finals held in Nairobi.
I reminded him of how handsome he is and that's why girls are all over him. (Guys 2007 kids have girlfriends then there's you😭)
I gave him a reason to dream and in his words he said he didn't want to live anymore.
To carry a generational dream means to be told, "kama kukaa nyumbani holiday ndio inafanya uanguke hivi mtihani basi ukae shule holiday zote."
I know some of us have heard this line severally.
Don't get me wrong. To carry a hefty dream doesn't mean it's wrong. No. It is good. A blessing actually. A proof that your people believe in you. I hope the universe conspires to bring success to you.
But again to carry such a dream means to put other people before you.
To dream more of what to accomplish for them.
To have a lot on your plate. A lot that you can bite but not chew.
To choose to sleep because waking up to reality is walking to insanity.
Find a balance.
Put yourself first.
Carry those dreams with pride.
Their (your people's) prayers will work.
Don't be an average girl, an average boy or an average human.
Be an average nothing.
Wake up daily knowing you will be a respectable person in future.
Hello Lovely readers!!
March was such an amazing month for me.
Not an excuse to not write.
I appreciate everyone who in between my slumps reminded me that I am a writer.
i hope in one way or another you do resonate with this piece.
Leave a like, comment and share.
Love and Light!
Feedback is highly appreciated.
find me on instagram @_mutai.mutinda_ or email me bettcaro92@gmail.com
I finished reading "stay with me" by Ayobami Adebayo and i am so drained of emotions.
I am out to read one of these: tomorrow i become a woman, homegoing, i do not come to you by chance. Dear readers, which one should i start with?