DEAR GOD
For the nineteen years I’ve been alive on earth I have gotten to know Him (GOD) better each day. If I start describing how marvelous he has been towards me I won’t stop. Words elude me when I want to express myself the most.
I can’t quantify the number of times I would tell someone “there’s this covenant between me and God huwezi Elewa” when they try to pull me down or make me conform to things that I vowed not to do. I have realized that it takes so much effort trying to explain to people why you do things the way you do them and they will not always understand. So you do you!!
A peep into my diary I once wrote “Dear God, let me be content with who I am, what I have, where I am, and where you are leading me. Help me to have a mindset of confidence and thankfulness all day long.”
Looking back I have fallen one, two, no, too many times. I forgot how to be contented. I want things not because I need them. Am sure most of us can fall into this category. I know human wants are insatiable yes but can we control ourselves? Can we be fair to our parents by not asking for too much? Can we stop putting pressure on ourselves simply because our friends have something and we don’t?
Speaking of confidence; let me share a story with you guys. On one of my frequent visits to Mombasa, I met a girl I wanted to speak to in an SGR. But I didn’t get an opportunity to do so. I don’t know if you have ever wanted to speak to someone so badly yet you can’t. (I bet you have yearned to speak to that girl whom you always see queuing in line on your way to Juja. Perhaps the girl in boots always. The girl who looks dangerous yet pretty. You definitely have been in such a scenario). Your anxiety then gets the best of you and your functional tremor starts. So back to our story. I sat there in my seat coach 13 seat 25 next to the window. I stole glances in her direction and every time I did so our eyes would lock and I would tend to look away into the vast ukambani lands that was bare and dry. I kept thinking of how she held her head high. How she had her things in order. How she touched her phone. She looked sophisticated yet humble. She seemed to have everything figured out. She would take her snack after every hour and then on another occasion she would pull out a novel. It was WUTHERING HEIGHTS. If you have ever read you definitely know how amazing it is. I needed to speak to her ASAP. I still did not. I was rooted there in my seat and decided when I get home I will google how to be confident. I want to be like her. I want you guys to get a good picture of how she looked how she carried herself goshhhh. The following day I went on Youtube and searched “how to be confident. I wasn’t satisfied by the results but ooh well.
I struggle to be confident. Some people will be shocked to hear this since am outspoken in most situations. I admire people who carry themselves like gilders. Then there’s me who looks like a jilted soul exposed to wonder.
One thing I want my readers to understand is at this moment I was out to seek confidence in myself, confidence that I wouldn’t shake in an audition stage full of judges or a live poetic performance. I have another confidence though. I am confident in saying I am a believer. I serve a living God. I believe in God the Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. The spirit of God expresses his thoughts through those whom He chooses as vessels of His testimony in circumstances exhibiting tough situations. This is one of the beauties I am confident in. I can confidently draw near the throne of grace. I can confidently say my worth is not based on whether am perfect or not but by the grace of one who brought me from the darkness into his marvelous light. (GOD)I am not ashamed of the gospel.
Lastly, on that part, I wrote in my diary. Thankfulness. I always knew I had a lot to thank God for until I was bombarded to write an article about “I TAKE THIS MOMENT TO THANK YOU, GOD”. My first reaction was Aaah this will be easy. Then I started thinking about what will I write. Food, clothes, family, friends, health what else? Deep down I knew how much His grace has been sufficient but I just could not describe it. I was shying away from writing about my health that I spoke about in one of my blogs. My main aim was to win this challenge, so I wrote shallowly of everything he has/had done for me. I didn’t win the competition but got a certificate instead. I learned that I needed to acknowledge his love daily and give thanks to him. To improve that, I now have a GRATITUDE JAR. In there I put sticky notes that I have written what I thank him for. For the smallest things that make me happy, for my friends doing simple things for me, for meeting people who turn out to be so friendly, for each of my brothers, for literally everything that makes my day.
In conclusion, I want everyone to know the God they serve. Be it Muslim, Christian, Jew, or Indian. There is a theory called legalism. This theory states that for every good work that you do you will earn yourself a point to heaven. If you are a Christian you know this isn’t true. This isn’t some good fairytale-like i“The Good Place” series By grace, we were saved. The righteousness of God comes through faith in Jesus Christ and salvation comes through faith in believing and not good works!! The way I speak highly of my worldly father is the same way I speak very highly of my heavenly one. I am always ready to speak to him. The heavenly one gave us the right to become His children by accepting and believing in Christ. He gave up his only son to be an atonement of sin. What more can I say to this?? Am happy, blessed, treasured, loved, forgiven……
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Hey loves. It's been a minute. I have been having a bit of writer's block but here I am.
thank you all for the constant support. My week has been amazing and from a place within I just needed to acknowledge the presence of God in my life. I hope this particular piece speaks to someone on a deeper level. My email address is bettcaro92@gmail.com in case you want to reach out or have a story to share. So much love for everyone. Stay tuned folks!!