MY PERFECT NOT SO PERFECT DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP

"what were you before you met me?"

'i was drowning'

" What are you now"

'Water' adapted from ON EARTH WE ARE BRIEFLY GORGEOUS.

See, we didn't start off on a good note. I never even knew we'd be friends. Back in form one, I met this girl. It wasn't love at first sight. Years later she customized a gift with a sticker that read 'laugh at first sight'. It wasn't love, laugh or anything close to it back then. It was pure hatred.

My admission number ended with a 02 hers with an eighty-two. Our school uniforms were marked with the numbers upon arrival but the eight had faded out so it looked more or less like a zero. On the second day of form one, she misplaced her sweater and a tie. Way to go Rot! So this stranger approached me with "excuse me this is my sweater."

The tone was not so pleasing and it bore an attitude. I was mad and agitated but I couldn't stand up for myself at the moment, I just stared.

She than followed up with

"Can I also see your tie?"

I did. No resistance. Like the quiet, shy girl I was.

She was so intimidating and the claims bothered me more. I imagined everyone was watching and soon enough people would see me as the newest bitch thief in town. I don't really remember what happened next but I think the bell rang and that was enough to put her back to her seat lest she gets into trouble in her first week.

I swore to God and my ancestors in Kabartonjo that I'd never talk to her again. I remember dissing her in my thoughts. 'sasa ona izo nywele zake nkt'.

Fortunately or unfortunately the next day she showed up with her sweater on. She didn't apologize! She owed me an apology, right?

Years later I didn't know this human would be like the centre of my existence. We'd do random calls whether it was day or night, in a matatu or just after lectures. Whether we had a busy day or not, whether it meant crying or laughing on call and sharing the little tiniest detail about our different yet so interesting lives.

That's friendship to me. Friendship means reassuring, believing in one another, uplifting each other, and being there for them; all beautiful stuff summed up to create a perfect hum of a thing. To believe that they will be there for you and to believe gladly takes leaps of faith. To actually forget their flaws and see beauty every time you are with them, seeing a smile on their faces is such a blessing.

You see with beauty as Golda Poretsky put it "Beauty shouldn't be about changing yourself to achieve an ideal or more socially acceptable. Real beauty, the interesting, truly pleasing kind, is about honoring the beast within you and without you. It's about knowing that someone else definition of pretty has no hold over you."

That's what my friends and I do to reassure each other. You are beautiful. You are the standard. Wake up knowing your dreams are in you for a reason. You have a purpose to fulfill. You are loved.

In friendship, it means reaching to the core and knowing them. Knowing what makes them comfortable and uncomfortable, being aware of what pisses them off, and being sure their feelings aren't hurt in the process. Everyone's feelings are valid!

Psyching your friends up in their endeavors is a must. Listen to them as they express their feelings. Explore the rendezvous. Be happy for them, with them. Encourage them and don't let others put them down or don't be like those people.

Just the other day I engaged some of you by asking, "Are more than three people in a friend group a crowd?"

Some people would see it that way when an individual has no capacity to balance such kind of friendship. People from outside may also judge it as a crowd sometimes but truth is, when one is able to balance such kind of a friendship then it is for their good.

As adults, our circles keep on expanding, getting to know more people as the years progress so we are bound to deal with more friends at a time. If you ever find yourself in such kind of friendship, be open-minded, don't have selfish gains in mind, and ensure you have worked on yourself so as not to burden others with your insecurities, childishness and too much toxicity. Don't wait for people to validate you and ensure you are on the same level as them so as not to look down on yourself.

Keep friendships burning. Do things that y'all love and enjoy. Just like my handbag (Shee) hang out together and tell each other how much you hate them when meaning the opposite, ensuring they are back in the room safe and sound after going to town and as always try knock on other people's door and run away😂!

Friends will significantly contribute to experiences you'll have as a young adult, as a child at literally any age in your life. Those are people who can make you realize change, explore and probably bring out the best in you.

Be like Rot who understands my subtle sense of humor (other people think it's dry jokes but it's more than that). You are such a cu-tea! You are loaf-ed. Be like Ubah who wants to travel the world with me🤩to completing our travel list together.

Be like Vee and Linus who never ceases to reassure me how I'm good at writing, or Ontita whom I can't start an exam if I haven't seen her seated, or Sunset who disses my phone, or Lui who knows just what to say or Ptah who is the best listener aah. I can't mention all my friends but I'm really grateful for them.

My perfect definition of friendship is all these💜and so much more I can't put down on paper.

This isn't a manual, we may all have our perfect definitions.

..............................................................

hello lovely readers.

I hope you are great and have enjoyed this particular entry.

like, share with one, two or three friends

feedback is highly appreciated.

drop a comment below.

Merry Christmas and a Prosperous 2023.

to people who made 2022 great, you are treasured. lots.

for my readers: my current read is "NORMAL PEOPLE BY SALLY ROONEY"