HAPPY

I am writing this in my not so happy era. In times of turmoil but within I try to find reasons to be happy so here goes nothing. I hardly wrote about happy. Happy is hard to write about. I realized happy is not only an adjective but a verb. You can do happy.

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On one of the night shuka dates with Shee we sat there, staring at the skies. We do this often. We talk of secrets like little kids. Things like nikiwa mdogo nilikua nasusu Sana. Anyway jokes aside we talk of deep stuff. Things to let go. Dreams that feel unrealistic but one day we wish to accomplish together. After those sessions, we go back to the hostels being so happy and having liberated ourselves from things that tie us. We are each others therapist. In those days I see our friendship as a whole plant. One with roots to hold each other up, a beautiful stem with a bark strong enough to protect the inner grace and green leaves ready to show the world of what beauty is. Ooh and flowers. Being the flowers that stand out with petals admired. Happy can be anywhere. I realized happy is mum. The times she calls with urgency in her voice and says "huskii ule youth chair wenu Sai akona mtoto. Alafu kwanza ni mdogo wako. Don't you dare try this." She gives me all the 'tea' I don't know about. She pours it out like a stream and I the ocean to hold so much information. I love the udakus. She'll then say "heeeh unajua nikipeleka mtoto clinic naona watoto wakona watoto hadi najiskia shosho". I laugh. Ontita laughs with me because she can hear mum from the other side. We catch up and it's all happy. I think of how Ontita and Shee tell me to bring them Oreos. I do gladly and for a minute I forget I am comrade. I forget that 100 bob is like treasure and it would sustain me for a day buanaa. In unwrapping those Oreos and licking them, I see happy girls. With them I find happy. Happiness is seeing opportunities unfold right before your eyes. You thank God and say heeeh finally amenibariki kama wengine. You think of prayers that fell upon His ears when He wasn't busy enjoying while the angels sang to him. Happy is getting a clean pair of socks on a Friday morning. Just when you thought you had exhausted all your pairs. Happy is having people who support you no matter what. People who hit you up with I'm here just tell me what you need. In that moment you know if you'd ask for a million right then they won't provide it but your heart is melted because they are there. Let's have lunch in klabu and they'll hear you out. Happy is when having a friend visiting you when you are in the darkest of moments. When she knows your dive in books to escape reality so she brings to the table the book you've been yearning to get hold of. Happy is having the musings of what life can offer in the most intricate state. Happy is realizing you have grown into a woman with head held high. With a prose that can shake a nation and opinions that are agressive enough. Happy is realizing that you don't want to be an average girl, average teen or an average human. Knowing a purpose and living up to it. Happy is finally learning to let go of people and situations that bound us. Learning to navigate trauma and react to our daily livelihood in a so not despondent ways. Allowing yourself to decitate how you want to lead a life and definetly sprinkle in faith. Letting go and letting God be a perfecter in your life. Happy is celebrating your friends wins without an ounce of jealousy. It is growing together and being all rounded wholesome humans. Holding each other up. Forever is not promised but at the time that God placed them in your life, acknowledge it. Make memories. Happy is listening our folks stories. Of how they ate muthokoi for survival. How growing up to them seemed like a dead end. Their tales seem to evolve everytime, just like they do. You'll interject and say, "daddy si last time ulisema Kwa io story ulikua na shati ya white na Sai umesema brown? " Refusing to be wrong " he'll add and say , "those days there were no soaps so white turned to brown." We laugh. There is happiness there. So guys, as it is, we all have happy moments but for me I find it difficult to write it. It's easier to write and think of sadness. Imagine I was dead, God forbid, my classmates would say 'on her last days, she left the class group, had no profile picture but her status portrayed happy.' Karen hospital would text something like 'Dear Ms. Caroline, we are reminding you of your appointment as you have already missed two.' This again won't find a reply. Weeuh ebu niache kufikiria izo mambo.

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HELLO LOVES

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