Have you ever walked the streets of Nairobi? Biashara Street to be precise? Your eyes are caught up by the baby shops displaying clothes out of this world. Ooh well, I’m exaggerating. Clothes made in Kenya, imported ones, kids toys from all over the world. You tell your friend Viv that these baby shops gives you goosebumps and she says “weeeuh usipate mtoto mbele yangu.”
You laugh and tell her to relax.
Every day you choose the biashara street route instead of moi avenue lane to admire those clothes.
I don’t know how often you think of a child. How often you think of how the existence of a baby will reshape a whole human being. How a child will brim happiness into a dull home even if they were unexpected. When a child is yours you tend to love them more than you have ever loved someone else everything in your life is preceded by what you feel concerning them; their safety, well-being, growth and you want them to be inviolable.
All this led me to interview someone. Though separated by seas, oceans, lands and definitely miles apart he got to tell me how it is to be a father, how great joy it is to watch her grow.
“Can you tell me about how your child made an impact in your life?” I asked him.
“It depends,” he chuckled, “the initial realization that I was a father blew me away. When my wife was pregnant I didn’t feel anything I was just existing. The moment my child popped out that’s when it hit me that I was now a father. I watched how my wife struggled in that maternity ward, how the doctors told her to push and when she was at the verge of giving up she was told to relax and boom there came a baby. My wife’s face was then calm, the labor was over and I guess the pain too.
I looked at my baby daughter and found myself crying. The doctor’s attention shifted from my wife to me.”
“Why were you crying? Was it because you were happy?
“I still really can’t tell what it was. It was just a new sensation. Not surprise not shock not happy just a new sensation that I never have felt before and even after that day.
The other impact you feel is day after day. You learn something new. You learn how to control yourself. My child Raha is very playful and will want to do things her way. She will run away from you, she will want to cross the roads on her own and you find yourself yelling at her. You later beat yourself up for yelling at a two year old. You should know better. You tend to realize than other human beings were once kids and they had someone to teach them what is right and wrong. Not everyone was raised the same so you have to device a way to teach your child and not just yell at them.”
“Do you ever feel like you are a bad father?”
“Yes quite a lot. It is easier to feel like you are a bad parent than a good one. Especially when I yell I feel guilty because I know what led Raha to do what she did was not out of malice. When an adult does the same thing I wouldn’t feel bad.
“Is visiting those parenting groups sound nice to you?”
No. No and no. I never even have visited one. I feel like parenting is something you learn daily. When you visit those parenting class, it is like a coursework. You will follow a strategy but what they don’t tell you is that you are dealing with different type of kids. A friend of mine has a child the same age as my daughter and his child is so calm and most of the times I think that kid is easy to parent. Raha on the other hand wants to do anything and everything. She is exactly like me when I was young. Stubborn. Parents should just teach their children their own way. Learning in those classes can be compared to being in an economics class in Harvard then trying to apply that knowledge to a real situation in Kibera. It’s bound to fail.
“Wow! So tell me, how were your finances affected when the baby came?”
My finances weren’t affected. A child is expensive if you let it be. What is expensive is diapers and daycare which amounts to 40,000.
“Is it 40,000 shillings or Yen,”I interrupted.
“Kenyan shillings. From then on it’s honestly not expensive here in japan. The Japanese government gives you 100,000 to sustain the new born and then after every three months you get sh 60,000. Education is free from nursery school to high school.
This sounded too good to be true so I had to google it. Shock on me heeh! It was a policy in Japan under Child Benefit Act which was implemented in 1972.
“I’ve listened to your podcasts and over and over again you keep mentioning how Raha means a lot. So how a lot is a lot….”
This is a difficult question. How a lot is a lot.
This is a postmodern question. Every human is an animal. Since animals take care of their young ones, or just like how a female dog is willing to bite the hand of its human master to protect her young one then that’s how I am with my child. I will protect my child not just because of some magical love but also my daughter means to me what biology intends her to mean to me. I live for Raha and I will live to see her propagate her life.”
I sat there listening to him thinking how Raha is lucky to have such a father.
“Can you compare your life before and after Raha?”
Things have changed definitely. Before I had no purpose, no clarity of what I really wanted for myself. Right now I care for her safety, security and I’d say my life has a sense of direction. I haven’t figured out everything but I will.
“Did you quit drinking because of the kid?”
No. I did it because of me. It had nothing to do with Raha. There is this saying in AA class that says you haven’t recovered until what you used to do when drunk you do it while sober. The problem is you and not the alcohol. You will have to work through those things and never blame the child whatsoever.
“So far do you think you are an overprotective parent?”
No, in the sense that I don’t want my child to end up like some kids. My work as a teacher here in japan is to teach children and I see how those from overprotective parents turn out. If my child right now falls when playing I will laugh. When I do she laughs too then we’ll tend to it later if there is a wound. Tough love.
The only thing I will be protective over is the kind of people I let around my child. I don’t want them to instill in her values that I didn’t.
After the discussion I realized how grand, magnificent and significant the love one can have for their offspring.
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Hello lovely readers;
On today’s episode we featured Oscar Ruto, a father, living and working in Japan
An author of three books;
1. Rise of Inferus (he wrote it at a tender age of 14)
2. Super position (about a dystopian society) you can find it on Amazon
3. Anthology on demonology (a poetic discourse with the possessed) also on Amazon.
His other works is on two of his podcast platforms…..IT’S ALL ANONYMUS, DREAMS X TRASH. Make sure to check them out.
Giving all credit.
I hope you enjoy this piece,
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In case you have a story to tell you can reach me on Instagram _mutai.mutinda
Or reach me via my email address bettcaro92@gmail.com
My read of the week has been:
1. Ego is the enemy by Ryan Holiday
2. The sex lives of African women by Nana Darkoa.(if you are a reader and haven’t read this you are totally missing out)
Amazing. Very proud to call him my brother.
Beautiful writing to you. This is an amazing blog.
Beautifulllllllll
Perfect